It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.Frederick Douglas
Family is the net of love that welcomes us to life. It is the space where we begin our learning of the world in all its complexity and extent.We learn basic things, like walking, holding objects or somebody else´s hand, and other things that although apparently simple, with the passing of time, prove to be everything but. I am talking here of learning our place in the world, and our place comparatively to others, and the feelings we feel between human connections, often overwhelming to a child.
When we are learning to live we learn from the grown-ups around us, absorbing everything from them, even the way they see the world and others.
No, I am not going to say that the guilt of our emotional problems belongs to the grown-ups that raised us, although they are the cause of our emotional turmoil… They did what they knew, how they knew. Maybe the way we deal with those feelings will end up in another post, maybe. One thing I can say, whether we like it or not, we have to forgive them, and that is the first thing we have to know.
I could have chosen another approach to this prompt, but I choose this one because I have dealt, for the most of my adult years, with the consequence of feelings I had and that I could not explain the reason, like fear and anxiety about some areas of my life that were not well resolved, and the pain that this caused me.
Feelings can go unnoticed, (we don´t really see them and have learned to hide them) we deny the extent of the time we have felt them and the destructive impacts they had on our lives. It took me years to figure out that a lot of the fear and anxiety I felt came from my mother, a poor worrier that had no idea the impact that her insecurity had on me. And I could go on and on….
My previous generation left me many good qualities: a sense of responsibility, character, personality, and a very strong sense of truth, the supreme value! This is quite funny actually, because in a lot of ways they lived accepted and covered lies.
However, they left me also with a heavy, heavy burden of untangling generational curses (I thank God that gave me the wisdom to know how to identify them), of cutting unhealthy ties, and re-learning to feel and connect to others in a deeper way.
I can say that after some years of internal spiritual warfare, I am on the clear path of recovery, at long, long last, on my way home. It is funny because during all this process I have always felt very strongly my responsibility to clean my emotional and mental space so that the future generations would have to go through the same pain. That was, and is, my main motivation.
That new generation is not born yet, is not even conceived, only in my mind and in my heart, where the dream is alive and well. I was even thinking, yesterday or so, that when love happens when we are young it might be because of a lucky chance, but when it happens later in life it is a blend of life experience, persistence, and faith. Maybe this is the secret of a long lasting relationship. A maturity relationship, and to me this makes perfect sense.
I hope I will be able to leave a fertile ground of love and acceptance to the future generations of my family, and leave them a legacy of strong and healthy family ties. I will always fight for that.